Official Blog For Author Fred Stoeker

Testimony and Question: I agree with one of the comments you made in a radio interview that young women should read Every Young Man’s Battle, too, because it helps us to know how to protect the men in our lives. 
         My boyfriend and I are trying to maintain a sexually pure relationship, so we have verbally set rules and boundaries for our physical relationship together. It is definitely a battle that is worth fighting. Because of mistakes I made in a previous relationship, I know how intense and wonderful that physical intimacy can feel, but is definitely not worth the consequences that come with pre-marital sex.
         Still, I struggle with the enemy over the following question: If we avoid anything that stimulates physical pleasure, will we lose our attraction for each other by the time we are married because we have conditioned ourselves not to think about each other physically? We love hugs and cuddling, but sometimes that can lead to further thoughts, too. If we avoid anything lovey-dovey during the dating process, will we destroy the romance and spark that we feel about each other?
         Answer: My son Jasen and daughter-in-law Rose recently co-wrote a book called Hero with me. In chapter 11, Sparks, they address this question fully, and can happily attest that the romance and spark does not have to die or change due to the boundaries and the purity.

        I’m a sophomore in college.  My parents got me your book Every Young Man’s Battle when I was a sophomore in high school. I wasn’t struggling with a lot of sexual sin at the time except for masturbation occasionally, but other than that I was living a pretty pure life.  So when I started reading your book, it seemed like it wasn’t the book for me because I hadn’t been looking at pornography, so I just read bits and pieces and then put it away.  

         The following summer I started my slide into porn.  It took me over so fast I didn’t know what to do, and it continued to eat away at me until the summer after my freshman year at college. I was working at a summer camp when I came to my senses and suddenly realized what I was doing to myself. I talked about it to my accountability partner and I decided to stop. It wasn’t easy, but before long, instead of finding satisfaction from porn, I was repulsed by it. I convinced myself that it was over and I never was looking at it again. 

        The problem, though, was that I was still filling myself up with lust from outside sources besides porn.  I had cut porn out of my life, but my heart was still fighting my worldly desires.  After a while, I started dating a girl I have liked all through my spring semester the previous year. Being with her was the greatest feeling I ever had, but after I told her I struggled with sexual sin, she left me on the spot. That was very hard to take at first because I had been free from porn for a while, and thought I was pretty pure. 

        Less than a week later I found your book again, Every Young Man’s Battle. I figured I should start reading it again to see what had gone wrong in my life. The timing of your book couldn’t have been better this time around. What I found changed my life completely!  The most important thing I learned is that becoming sexually pure is more than cutting out porn or masturbation. It is an issue of the heart. I learned so much about how to keep myself pure and to stay pure so that I can tell the next girl I date that I have been pure, and so that I can grow more in God right now. I recommended your book to my leadership team on my hall and I hope they will take it to heart and purify themselves from sexual sin.  God bless your ministry. Keep up the good work.